How to survive a divorce from her husband?
Statistics is relentless: in Russia, every second family falls apart. This means that there are a lot of women who have gone through a divorce. If the marriage lasted a long time and was of great importance for the woman, the separation was a great stress, sometimes experienced as tragedy or grief.
Lovely ladies relate differently to the gap, but each of them passes through certain stages. Such a sequence resembles the experiences that people experience after the death of a loved one and loved one.
Experts claim that the break in relations is a kind of little "death." What to do? We offer advice to a psychologist on how to survive a divorce from her husband.
Stages of recovery after divorce
The emotional state of a woman experiencing a break in relations with her husband goes through several phases. The temporal boundaries of these stages are very conditional, since the divorce and previous family life all proceed differently, and psychological characteristics have not been canceled.That is why some stages are delayed or, on the contrary, are accelerated.
Stage number 1. Shock condition
Shock is the first and quite natural human reaction to a tragic event. The state of shock can last from 10-15 minutes to 2-3 months. The usual duration is about a week. At this time, the woman simply refuses to believe what is happening. For example, you will find out about adultery, or a man reports that he needs a divorce.
Home help comes from loved ones and girlfriends. It is important to express your negative emotions by telling them what happened. Better yet, cry a little bit. Most likely, it will be a little easier.
Stage 2: Depression and Conscious Suffering
This phase usually lasts 2 months and consists of emotional distress, painful emotions. A woman feels the meaninglessness of later life, there is a feeling of loneliness, fear of the new and helplessness. That is, there is a tangle of conflicting experiences:
- feeling guilty for not keeping a man;
- pain due to betrayal;
- resentment at a spouse who chose another;
- perplexity ("because I am better").
How to survive a divorce from her husband? Only having defined emotions.
Having said it, it is worth remembering that there are people living nearby who are also now uneasy. For example, your child, undoubtedly, is hard going through the parents' divorce. It is important to reassure the children, to explain that they will meet with the father (if he and they need it, the situations are different).
Stage 3. Residual effects
This phase continues for at least 12 months. Grief gradually fades into the background, strong emotional turmoil is possible. For example, you happen to meet your ex-husband, celebrate your first holiday alone.
Experiences do not let go also because the man is reminded by mutual friends, relatives, family affairs (raising a child). Of course, it is difficult to experience such reminders, but they temper the character and provide an opportunity to adapt to new relationships.
Stage 4. Completion
The final phase lasts about 1-2 years. At this time, a woman, remembering a divorce, feels no longer pain, but sadness or nostalgia.And this, you see, feelings of a completely different order.
Time gradually begins to justify the title of "doctor". A woman has a habit of solving problems on her own and there is joy if she succeeds. Self-esteem rises, and by the end of the period I want to fall in love again.
Of course, sooner or later the time will cure, but the process of “therapy” can take several years and take too much energy. That is why psychologists recommend not to postpone the struggle with the problem that has arisen for tomorrow, but to act now. Here are 8 tips on how to survive a husband's betrayal and divorce.
- No need to look for meetings with the departed man. Nobody argues that now he wants to tell him everything that has accumulated, to find out whether he is ill without you or well. However, violent experiences will only lead to mutual insults, scandals, which will add a few more negative emotions to the piggy bank.
- Try to change the situation, starting with small.For example, rearrange the furniture in the apartment or start making repairs (if finances allow). If you had to move in with relatives, do not delay with “accommodation” on the spot. The main thing here is to do something.
- Depression is not treated with reckless fun, this is a common misconception. Therefore, do not worry about parting, throwing yourself into the maelstrom of noisy parties. It seems to many women that distant fun will distract from painful feelings and unpleasant thoughts. Yes, a week or two will be enough for you, and then depression will come again.
- It is urgent to do their own appearance. And not for the former spouse (that is, what beauty she lost), but for herself, beloved. Sticking stress with buns and refusing to take care of yourself, it is worth remembering that later it will be very difficult to recover the lost shape. This means that negative emotions about the sides and extra pounds will be added to the moral suffering. Your beauty will come in handy in search of another man!
- Do not try to immediately return the departed spouse, try to wait a bit. If the obsessive desire to restore the marriage has not disappeared even after six months, try. How? This is another story.It happens that the desire to glue the destroyed family disappears by itself. If this happened to you, then the divorce went only for good.
- Reflecting on how to quickly and easily survive a divorce, women immediately start a new affair. Psychologists claim that such early relations are doomed to failure. You will subconsciously compare the current man with the former spouse, look for flaws with a new partner. One more parting will greatly aggravate the situation.
- Do not try to wash down your grief with alcoholic beverages. Scientists point out that divorced women are at risk for alcoholism. In addition, alcohol only increases the depressive state, but does not elevate mood. Also imagine how much joy you, drunk and fallen, deliver to your opponent.
- It is extremely important to get rid of guilt feelings. Many divorced women begin to blame themselves for the fact that the child or children will now grow without a father. You should not consider yourself worse than you really are. Yes, now you are alone, but the chance to meet another man is high, and the feeling of guilt will not help to raise the child properly.
How to survive a divorce?
“Situations are different” - a pattern phrase, but it is very suitable in case of divorce. We all experience tragic situations in our own way, and our surroundings do not let us be bored. So, how can you survive a divorce, if:
- Have a baby.First of all, categorically you should not tune children against the second parent. This is for you he is a former husband, and for a daughter or son - a father. And this does not change. A child should not make a difficult choice: mom or dad. Try to be wise and allow your father to meet with the child.
- You are pregnant.Unfortunately, such cases are not rare. The task of a woman in this crucial period is to carry out and safely give birth to a healthy baby. The departed husband and other troubles are minor things in comparison with pregnancy. Do not forget that strong experiences in one degree or another are reflected in the unborn child.
- Husband left after 20 (30) years of marriage.Continue to live! In 40 and even 50 years, life does not end. A person who is determined to be happy will be him. Perhaps the meaning of life will give children and grandchildren. In addition, you have the opportunity to realize yourself in that, to which you had never “reached” your hands before.
A common question: how to survive a difficult divorce from your husband, if you still love. Try all the above tips, and if you can not forget and live on, you should contact a professional psychotherapist.